Why you should pay for porn

Buying holiday gifts blows. You've got to get him something meaningful but useful, something she wants but doesn't need, something unique and worthy of posting filtered images of on Facebook on Christmas morning. Finding that perfect holiday gift is like mission stupid and annoying especially with only six days till you-know-what.

I'm here to tell you the solution is easy: porn. Yes, porn. This holiday season, buy your special someone some ethical and possibly even feminist porn.

Of course we don't usually associate porn with the Christmas season (and rightfully so with the whole "birth of Jesus" thing). When we think of porn we usually think of that free, low-quality crap that Pornhub pumps out. We think of creepy "casting couches," fake boobs and even faker female orgasms.

If you've been keeping up with your porn news, you may think of the most recent HIV outbreak in the industry. Or you may think of the detached looks on the faces of Eastern European girls who have been trafficked into the industry. If you really think about porn, it is pretty damn depressing.

But it doesn't have to be. There is good porn out there-porn that is made with the use of condoms, with the safety and comfort of the actors in mind. There are videos where female pleasure is a focal point of the production, where female orgasms in all their complex glory are real and not ridiculous spectacles. There are pornos with real male and female bodies; where diversity is embraced, not exploited. There is pornography where the chemistry between actors is more important than the camera angle. And yes, there is even porn that is gloriously free of the messy money shot.

Here's the only catch: You have to pay for this high-quality orgasmic material.

Paying for porn is something no one in our generation really does. As soon as we got that first dial-up connection we were online to download porn at an agonizingly slow rate. Then we upgraded to cable and to streaming videos, never thinking at any moment that it should cost us something to consume this sexy stuff.

But we all know the good things in life aren't free.

The good porn, sometimes called "feminist" porn and sometimes called "ethical" porn, takes time, money and talent to produce, and therefore it requires some green to get your horny little hands on it.

I know for many this concept of "paying for porn" may be a little foreign, so let me give you a few places to start your holiday shopping.

1) Nina Hartley has an amazing line of instructional videos that is not only sexy but educational! You can get everything from some basic vanilla tips for couples to kinky foot play.

2) For the LGBorT person in your life, check out the Crash Pad Series.

3) Anything by Tristan Taormino! Trust me. Just go google her now.

And while we are talking about paying for porn, why should Christmas be the only holiday to get all the sexy time? Think about buying some ethical porn for Valentine's Day, birthdays, graduations, Yom Kippur or Veteran's Day. And while we are at it, why does it have to be a gift? Treat yourself to a little ethical porn on a slow Wednesday. The truth is, folks, you deserve better than free.