Sad your team didn't reach the BCS championship game? Cheer up. Here's why you should root for Florida State or Auburn while you drink/yell at your TV/huddle under a mountain of blankets Monday while you wait for Chicago temperatures to soar into the 20s later this week.
WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR FLORIDA STATE
By Ernest Wilkins
5: You're a fan of offense
Are you enraptured by explosive offense? Does the idea of a deep pass give you chills? FSU is for you, baby! The Seminoles average 529 yards. Per game. Jameis Winston and Co. have scored more points than any team in America and aren't going to stop in the title game.
4: You hate the SEC
Enough already. The dominance of that conference over the past seven years has brought on a pretty despicable scenario where fans of certain teams start rooting for the conference they play in, even if that means rooting for a rival. It's preposterous. I haven't seen a bigger cult since I took a Crossfit class. Root for FSU, if only to smash the SEC lunkheads.
3: You're on a nostalgia kick
Like parted-down-the-middle haircuts on white people, Florida State owned the '90s. From Deion to Derrick Brooks, Warrick to Weinke to Warrick again, the Noles set a precedent for the Big Time program, moreso than Nebraska, Notre Dame or even Miami back then. Take a look back while going forward at the same time.
2: You're an NFL draft nerd
There's been speculation that the Seminoles might break their own record of most players selected from one school in the NFL draft (set last year with 11) this June. Coming off the strength of four consecutive Top 5 recruiting classes, the Noles are LOADED. LOADED, I TELL YOU. The title game is a way to take a look at the stars of tomorrow today!
1: They're going to win
Point-blank simple. If you're one of those goobers who supports winning teams only when they're winning, then here you go. (Also: Everyone hates you, including yourself.) As for everyone else? We've got a lot of firepower on both sides of the ball and Auburn had to pull off a miracle just to even be mentioned in the same conversation as the Noles. It's gonna be a great one. Remember: The fight song ends with "F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E ... FLORIDA STATE FLORIDA STATE FLORIDA STATE, WHOOOOOOOOO!" *takes shirt off* *gives you a wedgie*
Ernest Wilkins is Chicago's wingman and a Florida State graduate.
WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR AUBURN
By Jay St. Pierre
5: You should actually root for a tie
I don't think this can happen, but how fitting would it be to send off the BCS with a tie? With so much controversy the past few years, why end it with a cut-and-dried result? Let's figure out a way to make sure this game goes into 600 overtimes, 3,000 points are scored and every player is so tired that the game has to be stopped. Best title game ending ever!
4: You hate CAPS LOCK
If you've followed Ernest's rants in RedEye the past few months, you'd swear the man types only in capital letters. Good news is he doesn't. Bad news is he DOES WHEN TALKING ABOUT FLORIDA STATE. It's time for an intervention, Ernest. Time to show you how to turn that CAPS LOCK off and type like the rest of us. Time to find that little button under the "tab" key and above the "shift" key and make certain it's off.
3: Everyone loves an underdog
All the sports betting odds I've seen have Florida State as an overwhelming favorite. So you can hop on the FSU bandwagon like so many people already have or-as a Chicago person-you can continue to root for the underdog. You've got plenty of practice with the Cubs, Sox and Bears. Just forget Auburn plays in the SEC and translate your positive energy into cheering for the non-favorite.
2: The SEC isn't that bad
Sometime during the past seven seasons, college football fans have developed this deep-seated hatred for the SEC. I understand-your team probably hasn't been as good as the worst team in our conference. And you probably know someone who knows someone who knows someone who went to an SEC school and is the most annoying bandwagon fan you've ever met. The good news is, we're not all like that. And with the exception of my trips to Gainesville, Fla. (stupid Gators fans) and Tuscaloosa, Ala. (redneck 'Bama fans), my experiences at SEC campuses have been some of the most enjoyable trips I've ever been on. We eat. We drink. And the best part: We invite others to join us.
1. Blue and orange are your colors
Look, as a die-hard LSU fan, I'm running out of good things to say about Auburn. They're a bunch of fools who either didn't have the sense to play for a better program or they're not good enough to play for Alabama or LSU. Odds are you have no allegiance to Florida State or Auburn, so if you're still struggling with whom to cheer for, remember that the Bears wear similar colors to Auburn. That will help with the nauseous feeling you get when you root for the SEC. Plus, for all you fashionistas, some dude on Bravo said dark blue has a "slimming" effect.
Jay St. Pierre is a RedEye designer and SEC junkie.
BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Florida State vs. Auburn (at Pasadena, Calif.)
7:30 p.m. ESPN