Dear Anna,
Here's my question: I have had several LTRs with women who smoke, and their vaginas taste better than those who don't. What gives?
-Curious
Dear Curious,
I doubt there's a positive correlation between smoking and vaginal taste, Curious. If there were, I'm sure the tobacco companies would have jumped on that like an "SNL" sketch involving a large, inept criminal making a getaway on a tiny scooter. Cigarettes contain arsenic, formaldehyde, lead, hydrogen cyanide, nitrogen oxide, carbon monoxide, ammonia and 43 known carcinogens, none of which have been shown to make anyone's hoo-ha smell like a tropical breeze. Also, urea, a chemical compound found in urine, is used to add "flavor" to cigarettes. And, considering what smoking does to one's teeth, skin, hair, clothing, and breath-that is, to yellow, rot, wrinkle, and smellify-and you've got another compelling argument against smoking as a vaginal breath mint.
But! Sugar comprises roughly 20 percent of a cigarette, and according to some women's blogs and sexperts, ingesting sweet foods (pineapple, cucumber, mint, etc.) can aid in sweetening one's nether bits. So it is perhaps a tiny bit possible that your ladies were metabolizing the sugars in cigarettes in a weird and beneficial way, but again, it's highly unlikely. Especially since anything that can make your pee smelly (beer, coffee, cigarettes, asparagus, garlic, curry) would presumably make other things smelly as well. The same blogs also are quick to point out that very little research has been done on dietary habits as it relates to a woman's taste. So until that happens, all we can do is speculate and eat a lot of fruit salad, which is basically all advice to women ever.
As to why you might enjoy a good carcinogenic beaver, I can't really say. If you are a smoker that might have something to do with it, since you already have a fondness for it, and smoking dulls the taste and smell receptors over time. It could be psychological too. Though I don't smoke and never have, sometimes I'll get a whiff of a cancer stick and think fondly about my dad, who was a lifelong smoker (until he got lung cancer). You might also have a slight smoking fetish, also known by its sexier name: capnolagnia. But men who smoke, take heed: nicotine has been proven to cause erectile problems. Forget cancer and heart disease, guys: Quitting smoking will make your penis work better! Which is the smoking cessation ad I'd like to see happen.
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