I hate being the one to initiate sex

Hi Anna,

I'm a 36-year-old straight man in a relationship for almost two years. Things are pretty darn good, honestly, but one thing that bothers me is that I am always the one who initiates sex. How can I wheedle her into taking the reins more often?

- Who's The Boss

Dear Tony Danza,

Don't "wheedle" her (and not just because it reminds me of weevils, which should have limited involvement in the bedroom). Instead, you should focus on turning her on. Let her know she's desired throughout the day - whether that's through texts (no wang pics, please, unless she asks for them), emails, notes left on the pillow or other small, sexy gestures. Let her know that you want her not just when YOU want to bone, but all day. If you want her to take charge more often, she'll need to start thinking about sex and pleasure outside of the bedroom.

But before we go any further, the obvious caveat: If you haven't already, ask her to initiate more. Again, don't wheedle. Just state your desire, and tell her how hot it is when she takes the reins. Be as specific as you can. "I love it when you make out with me as soon as I walk in the door / run your hands through my hair / drape your legs over me while we watch YouTube videos about squirrels," etc. Letting her know that her "moves" are appreciated will most likely lead to her doing them more often.

She also might be not initiating out of laziness. Since she knows you'll initiate, she might not be terribly inclined to change the status quo. Plus, our culture has these silly gendered expectations that men should always take charge. In that vein, you might want to try not initiating for a few weeks (or just a week if you're impatient). Focus on turning her on - kiss her a lot, touch her, make her feel good and then go back to watching YouTube videos about squirrels. If you succeed in getting her motor running, she's gonna want to take a drive, if you catch my drift, which you should because I used a car metaphor!

If you've done your darndest to empower her and show her how desirable she is, but she's still just rolling over and going to sleep, you might have to accept the fact that she has a lower sex drive. There are certainly worse sexual scenarios to be embroiled in, such as ones involving weevils.