Hey sports fans! I said HEY SPORTS FANS!
No, nothing? Oh, that's right. There's barely any left because this week had more terrible NFL headlines than Flaco's has tacos. (Flaco's has an irresponsible amount of tacos. If you've never been, check them out.)
Anyway, there isn't much else in the way of good news this week, but we're breaking it down anyway because technically it's our jobs and we might as well make it digestible--just like a good taco. Come for batsh*t insane tightrope walker, stay for allegations of police abuse.
Here's this week's RedEye Rundown.
>> No. 1: Brandon Marshall speaks. And speaks.
Brandon Marshall addressed his own history of domestic abuse on Thursday in a lengthy--very lengthy, like "Avatar" lengthy--press conference. You know what? F*ck this. The Blackhawks play their first game Thursday, Oct. 9.
>>No. 2: Police commander indicted
This one's hard to swallow. A West Side police commander was indicted Thursday on charges including official misconduct and aggravated battery. For shoving his service weapon (fancy technical term for cop gun) down a man's throat.
Presumed idiot (below) announced this week he intends to tightrope walk 50 stories over the Chicago River. We asked aforementioned insane person, who insists on going by "Nik Wallenda", 27 questions.
A planned north-side high school that was supposed to be named for Barack Obama... won't be. But hey, at least he has more than a dozen other schools named after him--also, a species of lizard and fish for some reason.
Having already introduced a Frappuccino larger than a human stomach, Starbucks is going small. In honor of the adorable and totally unnecessary "Mini-Frappuccino," here's 15 things that should be (or already are) miniaturized.
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