So your boss says you can have two days off of work to attend some conference in town. Word. So what exactly are you expected to do? Are you being graded on this? And how's the free stuff situation?
The annual conference for Online News Association is being hosted in Chicago this year at the Sheraton Hotel, which means thousands of nerdy journalists armed with lanyards and tote bags are currently taking over the city. Here's a glimpse into what you're missing out on, via a timeline of thoughts that could be mistaken for thoughts during pretty much any other conference anyone has ever been to.
Heels and sport coats everywhere. I definitely did not dress fancy enough for this.
Someone is keeping track of how many doofuses are here wearing Google Glass, right?
It's 9 a.m. At a conference for journalists. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO MORE COFFEE?
Oh good, the Q&A portion, where at least one person stands up and details their personal problem for five minutes without regard for the other 100 people in the room.
Where the hell are the bathrooms?
Wonder if they take company credit cards at the gift shop ...
Wonder if I can find someone who has a company credit card ...
No, I don't know the wifi password, sorry.
Maybe if I stare at this person long enough she will realize that we've been Twitter colleagues for the past six years.
Yes, I absolutely will take seven of these branded yo-yos that I will regret hoarding in six months, thank you!
Could we not come up with better names for these places than Ballroom I-XI?
DO NOT SIT ON THE OUTER SEAT OF AN ENTIRELY EMPTY ROW, YOU NEANDERTHAL.
Tweet tweet tweet, boss is definitely watching Twitter to confirm that I'm actually here. Hashtag hashtag hashtag
Do I know that dude from Twitter or from Tinder?
BATHROOMS, WHERE
Should have brought a laptop. Haven't seen my own handwriting in years, and it is le struggle.
Wait, Ted from marketing is here, too? Must get our stories straight.
Somehow, I have ended up in the Pedway and have passed an old lady hair salon two or three times trying to find my way out.
Twelve sessions in five hours is pretty good, right? Please don't fire me.
"Thanks for coming to our final session of the day!"
Networking: "Hi! Who are you and what can you do for me?"
Did I really have my lanyard on during the entire bus ride home like a tourist? Idiot.
*drinks heavily, falls asleep on the couch, wakes up at 6 a.m., repeat*
Jessica Galliart is RedEye's Social Media Lady. She's speaking in a session Friday afternoon (that will be livestreamed), and her hangover should have subsided by then.
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