The monster movie marathons are over, the jack-o-lanterns have been smashed and the scandalous Halloween costumes have completed their walk of shame to the garbage bin.
Yet from all the flickering lights, candy canes, and the big-box stores stuffed with plastic trees and robotic Santas, you'd hardly know Thanksgiving is next up to the holiday plate.
Nobody gives the fourth Thursday in November any love these days-save for that one Chuck Breezy TV special (good grief!) and the Turkey Day parades that really are just an homage to the glorious partnership between ol' St. Nick and consumerism.
Maybe it's because most of us don't live like pilgrims, trying to gather enough squash and venison and firewood to last us through the winter. Heck, we don't even live like our grandparents, who cooked entire meals without the help of a microwave.
Our generation can eat whatever we want, whenever we want. Feel like kung pao chicken? Call the Chinese place at the corner. In the mood for Greek? A joint down the street makes a pretty mean combination plate. Want a burrito instead? There are more TBKs than there are hospitals in this city.
Millennials are used to getting more, quicker. We have drive-thru lives and we eat fast-food meals. Everything's now-and there's a lot of it.
Back in the day, Thanksgiving dinner was the biggest meal of the year. My grandma used to throw down on turkey, potato salad, arroz con gandules (Puerto Rican rice, for the layperson) and cabbage salad. Now we eat like that every other Saturday, and it's not because my family has hit the jackpot. Far from it. Food's just cheap and easy. You can get a bucket of chicken, mashed potatoes, slaw and a biscuit for what, like, 15 bucks?
The Thanksgiving Day table is such a charade. We're supposed to sit there and gaze in amazement at the turkey and all the fixings, pretending we've never seen so much food in our lives. It's such a shame that the entire meal requires close to two days of preparation.
So why don't we just order in and save ourselves the time and the effort? Because we can't order in on Turkey Day-at least, we're not supposed to, according to the Thanksgiving police. We have to spend hours preparing the turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and yams and sweet potato and pumpkin pies, because that's what the pilgrims did. And we have to do what the pilgrims did, or else it doesn't count.
Here's the problem: When the pilgrims sat down to the meal and thanked God for filling their table, they were nearly starved to death. Most of today's Americans will sit down to a turkey dinner pleasantly plump-and they'll get up from the table positively planetary.
When does the special occasion part come into play? Americans who eat big meals choosing to celebrate family and friendship by sitting down to eat a big meal is like drunks who spend every night at the bar going back to the bar to celebrate their birthdays.
Instead of chomping through a turkey drumstick bigger than a fist, maybe we should try a humble turkey salad?
Nothing says "I'm grateful for the food in front of me" better than treating it differently than all the other food you eat, by not stuffing your gullet and spending the rest of the night groaning in shame.
Take it easy this year. Your stomach will thank you.
Hector Luis Alamo Jr. is a RedEye special contributor.
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