Joe Maddon might be "dripping in analytics," but Chicago Cubs fans are drenched with anticipation for the upcoming season. The era of the lovable loser is waning, and the Cubs have finally found the right man to shepherd the flock to the promised land of October glory.
However having hope is at the center of being a Chicago sports fan but then again, so is getting used to failure. I'm sorry, Rick Renteria, you seem like a legitimately nice guy, but that contract of yours should provide for a really nice vacation.
Not all of his jokes landed at the press conference, but Joe Maddon is relaxed, smart and, most importantly, he's a winner. WE'RE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES! It's a lock. A sure thing. Inevitable just like death and taxes.
Of course, we've been burned before. Dusty Baker and Lou Piniella said all the right things on day one, as well. This is different, though. Right? It feels different. It has to be different. Here are three reasons that Joe Maddon is taking us to the World Series. For sure.
1. He has never referred to the "Billy Goat Curse."
I hate when people talk about the curse. It's not real.
2. He's a man of the people.
Half Italian plus half Polish equals the perfect mix for Chicago. Any dude with a 45-foot Winnebago nicknamed "Cousin Eddie" is comfortable in his own skin. He eschews the gated communities and country club-lifestyle of the suburbs and prefers to be downtown where the action is. The man doesn't need a tie. Heck, he doesn't even need to button his jersey all the way up. He said, "Don't ever permit the pressure to exceed the pleasure," which is basically like saying ,"Hey! It's 5 o' clock somewhere," and then ordered a round of shots and beers for a press conference.
He just out Chicago-ed Chicago.
Not even Ditka's smooth enough for that move.
3. The time has come.
A gambler is never due, and you could flip a coin 100 times and it could come up heads 100 times. But by next year, that coin will be flipped for the 107th time and it has to come up tails some time.
But it's been a rough road. I mean, even Ditka would have a hard time winning the World Series. Last year, I learned from my defense of Jay Cutler's signing that it's best to hedge your bets, so here are three reasons pointing against the Cubs winning the World Series with Joe Maddon at the helm.
1. He used the word "synergy."
I hate when people use that word. It isn't real.
2. Wrigley Field might overwhelm him.
Even though the bleachers now lie in ruin, Wrigley is a special place, and Maddon gets that. During his press conference, he recalled a "magical" moment he had as manager of the Rays where he had to "shut up and appreciate the moment."
If you've ever seen a video of lab animals seeing the sunshine for the very first time and discovering the world outside of the laboratories they're trapped in, then you've probably shed a tear or three.
This is what Maddon is going through right now-emerging from a depressing dome better fit for a tractor pull than for America's national pastime. We need to be concerned that the introduction to sunshine could take a serious toll on him.
3. He might succumb to the temptations of the big city.
Late bar hours and drunken tourists can start to get to you. Hopefully Maddon can find himself a nice, quiet place in the penthouse of the Ritz Carlton for $10.85 million, or, if he's really looking for "Joe Sixpack" accommodations, there's a condo at the Waldorf going for $3.9 million. He can also join a number of star athletes in the Trump Tower if he wants to keep it down in the $2.5 million range.
Really, there are dozens of high rises downtown with every possible amenity available, like swimming pools, first-class gyms and doormen controlling who comes in and who stays out. An egalitarian paradise far, far removed from the exclusionary and luxury laden lifestyle of the suburbs.
And, alas we come to one final bonus reason:
4. They are still the Cubs.
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Scott Goldstein is a special contributor to The Second City Network. He directs, teaches and performs all over Chicago and is a third-generation Cubs season ticket holder. Follow him on Twitter @GoldyHawks.