Dear Anna,
While attempting to gain some insight and perspective on MMF threesomes, I stumbled upon a column you wrote back in 2011. My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly two years. We have a very happy, healthy sex life. We're very comfortable communicating our sexual desires and needs with one another, constantly experimenting to keep sex exciting.
She has expressed for a long time that she's turned on by the idea of having group sex with both men and women, but recently especially with me and one or more other guys. I've always been turned on by being able to satisfy the woman I'm with, and in this case also by a MMF threesome still being considered semi-taboo.
We went through with this once and it was less than fulfilling. The threesome took place spontaneously after a long night of partying with one of my friends. My girl was into it, however, since this was one of my very close friends, the experience didn't get very far. What I felt wasn't jealousy, but more discomfort-almost as if he were family *shivers*.
Basically, I just wanted to know if you might have any suggestions in terms of where to look so we can try again? Thanks in advance! -E
Dear E,
I'm so glad you asked! Sharing is caring, after all, and 'tis the season of giving ... your girlfriend the Eiffel Tower she deserves. And congrats on all the great communication and exploration you've been enjoying. It warms this advice columnist's chestnuts like an open fire (that came out wrong).
So friends are off the table, but there are lots of resources to pursue your hot MMF fantasies. There are, of course, your usual hookup sites and apps-OkCupid, Plenty of Fish and Tinder. Since Tinder connects through your Facebook profile, some of your friends might learn about your hunt, though you can adjust your privacy settings. And though I can't vouch for it, 3nder, the "Tinder for Threesomes" app, is a thing that exists.
There's also Adult Friend Finder, Adam4Adam, Polyamory Date, Threesomes With Couples, Naughty Meetings, etc. And though a few gay men are rolling their eyes at me right now, you might also try Grindr, which does have bisexual members (pun partially intended) who might be down to take a ride.
If you'd rather go the old-school route, you also could try heading to your friendly neighborhood gay bar (Spin? Kit Kat Lounge? Hydrate? Sidetrack?), hitting the dance floor and seeing how it goes. Again, some gay men will be affronted being hit on by a person with a vagina (just as many lesbians hate being propositioned by straight couples for threesomes). As a bisexual whose minor in college was Responding to Threesome Propositions, I will say this: If you're respectful and tactful and treat your potential third like a person and not like a series of "fun holes," it's unlikely you'll get a flavored-vodka drink to the face.
Finally, if you grow tired of the apps and the "winks," you can always hire an escort.
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