It's almost officially winter, and that means it's time for another round of quick and dirty advice-because the days are short, and so are our attention spans. If you missed fall's edition, read it here.
People never write back to me on dating websites. Do you have any tips on making my messages more response-worthy?
Have you tried being incredibly attractive? If not, then you definitely should write as if you have some kind of hot foreign accent. For instance: Escyusah may, but ju loook lak ju could juse som expenSEEV mousTARD from mah hometown of DIJ-AWN (that ees een Fransay, btdubbs).
Actually, I think it matters least what you write. The person you're trying to mack on is going to make a bunch of blanket judgments about you (that probably are wrong) based on how you present yourself. If he/she's not into your online representation, it doesn't matter if you copy/paste the boner-iest Pablo Neruda lines ever written, they still won't write you back. That said, mastering basic English is a good "trick" to try when messaging someone. So is writing slightly more than "hey :)" or its equivalents: The Mr. Ed: Haaay; The Gosling: Hey gurl; The 50 Cent: Hey shawty; and The Fonz: Eyyyyy! And do ask a question. People are more likely to respond if their curiosity is piqued, which is why I always message people with "Knock-knock!"
How do I get men to notice me at a bar?
Show up? Or, oh, wait, I know this one: Perfect the art of casually leaning against things and sighing. Be sure not to cross your legs though! You want to appear open, but not TOO open (you slut, ha ha, seriously though shut it down).
Or, OR! Try just talking to him. "Oof, it's freezing out tonight, isn't it?""What are you drinking?""Are they really playing John Denver? If it's not the Chipmunks Christmas album, I want none of it!""Let me ask your advice on something: My [possibly fictional] guy friend just got dumped and has some [possibly fictional] dilemma. What do you think I should tell him?""What's your favorite sonnet?" (It worked in "Dead Poets Society"!)
How can I tell a girl I like her without, you know, coming right out and saying it?
A short list, arranged from least to most effective:
5. Sky writing
4. Dedicate a song to her on the radio
3. Lean casually against things when she's around
2. Create an elaborate scavenger hunt for her. The last clue should be: "Hey, your friend Steve is pretty great. Is he single? I hear he's single."
1. Mime
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