"Screw this, I'm not coming out of my apartment until April."
We've all said it, but this season, Jamie actually is going to do it. Who is Jamie? Well, she's not real.
She's just any one of us in Chicago who ever threatened winter-time hibernation.
This year, Jamie will be holing up alone in the warmth of her apartment from Dec. 1 to March 31. And who can blame her? The same period last year was the coldest four months in recorded Chicago history, according to the National Weather Service.
Jamie will do her grocery shopping, booze runs, laundry and any other task that requires even a single step outside through online delivery services and house calls.
So we did the math: What would it cost Jamie to Chibernate for the winter?
HEALTHY GROCERIES
Jamie watches what she eats. Nutritionist Hannah Al-Amin, owner of Nutrition that Fits in the Near West Side, developed a menu of three balanced meals and snacks for her. A balanced meal consists of a whole grain, a protein and a fruit or vegetable, she said. The shopping list would cost $127.40, tax, delivery fee and $5 tip included, every two weeks with grocery delivery by Peapod.
Total four-month cost: $1,082.90
SPLURGING FOR DELIVERY
Like most of us, Jamie doesn't cook every night. So two nights per week, she'll use GrubHub to take care of dinner.
Once a week, she'll order a medium cheeseburger pizza ($17.99) and a small order of cheesy breadsticks with marinara sauce ($6.99) from Sarpino's. Let's be honest, those places are cheap and, with three locations in the Loop alone, they've got a large delivery area. With tax, delivery fees and 20 percent tip, Jamie will drop $37.91 weekly to get her pizza fix.
Four-month cost: $644.44
Another night, she's ordering from Hana Restaurant -- the top-rated pan-Asian restaurant with delivery to the Loop. Jamie faces the dreaded $20 minimum, so she'll order a General Tao's Chicken ($9.95), 6 potstickers ($5.95) and six crab rangoons ($5.50). After delivery fees, tax and 20 percent tip, Jamie will shell out $35.26 weekly.
Four-month cost: $599.35
Total four-month cost: $1,243.79
THE BOOZE
For four months, the friendly guy at the liquor store is going to wonder where Jamie has gone. Instead of buying two six-packs of beer per week from the neighborhood bodega, she'll use Chicago-based DrinkFly -- an online alcohol delivery service. Jamie's two sixers of Lagunitas Little Sumpin' Sumpin' ale ($12.99) and Sam Adams Boston lager ($9.49) will cost her about $36.43 per week after tax, delivery fees and a 20 percent tip.
Total four-month cost: $619.31
BINGE WATCHING
To keep busy, Jamie is going to binge watch television. Like, a lot of TV. She'll pay for a $7.99 per month Netflix subscription.
Total four-month cost: $31.96 (tax included)
STAYING FIT
Since Jamie isn't going outside the apartment's four walls and her apartment building doesn't have a gym, she's paying for 24 sessions with an in-home personal trainer from Prestige Personal Fitness of Chicago.
Total cost: $1,440
LAUNDRY
Jamie doesn't have in-unit laundry. Really, who does?
Instead she'll use Washio -- an online laundry pickup and delivery service -- to do the dirty work.
Washio charges $27.99 for 15-pounds of wash-and-fold laundry with delivery, which, according to the company, should last one person two weeks.
Total four-month cost: $237.92
THE TOTAL
Jamie will be holed up in her apartment for 121 total days. That's 17 weeks, or four months. And she covered all her basic necessities.
Chibernating will cost Jamie a grand total of $4,655.88. That's $273.88 per week.
Editor's note: Prices are specific to stores and/or websites and are subject to change.
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