Imagine someone created a human pinball machine.
Wait, scratch that. Someone already has.
Four at a time, athletes from around the world clad in full hockey gear spill down a quarter-mile sheet of ice at up to 40 mph. They soar over jumps and past obstacles, trying to reach the finish line first. And if they happen to crash or hip-check each other, so be it.
Welcome to Red Bull Crashed Ice, also known as the Ice Cross Downhill World Championships.
The 15th edition of the event runs Thursday-Saturday in downtown St. Paul, Minn., and three Chicago-area skaters survived qualifying runs to compete for the title. Each of these longtime hockey players is attempting to become the first American to win the St. Paul leg of the four-event Crashed Ice series.
What can these athletes-and spectators, for that matter-expect this weekend? Well-organized mayhem, essentially.
THE COMPETITORS
Matt Kawahara, 27, Lincoln Park
Brian Rooke, 23, Lakeview
Anthony Rossini, 25, Chicago Ridge
VELOCITY!
MK:"I'm hoping the combination of hockey (for speed and physicality) and skiing (for stability and balance) will help get me to final show on Saturday."
BR:"My speed [from playing hockey is my best asset]. Hopefully I can use that to my advantage; I'm solid on my feet."
AR:"There's a huge advantage to getting out in front from the start and I think with my quick starts I should be able to beat out other competitors."
DANGER!
MK:"I think when there's risk of danger, that's when you feel the adrenaline the most. Adding in another factor of multiple guys going down the hill at once only makes it more interesting to watch."
BR:"They tell you to try and avoid contact, but I think it's inevitable that people will be banging into each other, banging into walls. Hopefully I can kind of avoid the other skaters and do my own race. But if a little contact happens, I've been playing hockey for a while so I won't be shying away from it."
AR:"The speed alone in this event is not something you get to experience on an every day basis, especially on ice skates. So if you go down the wrong way at a high speed, it's likely not going to end well. I talked with other competitors from previous events and have heard stories about all the broken bones."
MORE DANGER!
MK:"The scariest part isn't necessarily the obstacles, it's the unknown of the other competitors. Whereas the course is static, the other guys you're going down the chute with are variables and can easily put you in a dangerous position."
BR:"There are a couple of jumps; playing hockey you don't really get your feet off the ground. Just being airborne and dealing with that sounds fun."
AR:"The obstacle that looks most exciting also happens to be the scariest, which is the start-there's only a couple strides before you hit the first drop off to gain the speed which is likely going to determine the outcome of the race as long as I can maintain my balance."
STRATEGY!
MK: "My strategy is just to stay loose and relaxed and have fun with it. I think if you worry about it too much, you get inside your head it works against you."
BR:"[I want to] try to get out to a quick lead so I can avoid jockeying for position as much as I can. But really I'm just using my skating abilities. [I'll] just try not to fall and come out of the weekend without any injuries."
AR:"My strategy is just stay calm and have fun. I've never done anything like this but I can probably skate better than I walk, so I'm just trying not to get in my head."
Chris Sosa is RedEye's sports editor. @redeyesportschi
15th RED BULL CRASHED ICE
Thursday to Saturday in St. Paul, Minn.
Track length: Approximately 1,500 feet
Total competitors: 100 U.S., 100 international
Age range: 16 to 44 years old
Top speed: Approximately 40 mph
Event format: In the men's competition, a series of races Thursday and Friday will narrow the field to 32 U.S. and 32 international competitors for Saturday's finals.
Top 2014 finishing time: 33.36 seconds, turned in by Austria's Marco Dallago. Not that it ultimately matters-the first one to the finish line wins.
On TV: The finals will be broadcast on Fox at 4 p.m. Sunday.