I had sex with my girlfriend in her ass, and sperm out in her ass, so is there any chance of pregnancy. Please inform urgently. --Scared
It is far too early for me to be deciphering your erotic poetry, Scared, but I am willing to venture a guess that you are asking what the chances of pregnancy are when one engages in anal sex. It's true that little else in this world causes people to spontaneously burst into free verse quite like knockin' on heaven's back door. Indeed, not just poetry, but whole books have been written about it. "The Way Things Ought to Be" by Rush Limbaugh comes to mind. But on to your question. According to the sex reference book "The Big Bang": "Of those couples who use anal sex as a method of birth control, about 8 percent end up conceiving."
Also known as splash conception, or the Jackson Pollock if you're being artistic about it, this method of conception occurs when ejaculated semen runs down the perineum (or jogs or strolls or even sashays) and into the vagina. The odds are small of conceiving this way, but do remember that the anus and vagina are very close to each other. Some might say too close!
But how much should you worry, Scared? Well, here are some stats for other methods of contraception, courtesy of Planned Parenthood, to put things in perspective.
Pulling out - 30 percent chance of pregnancy
Using male condoms correctly - 2 percent chance of pregnancy
Using male condoms incorrectly or not all the time - 15 percent
The Pill - 1 percent chance of pregnancy (or 8 percent if used incorrectly)
Spermicide - 15 percent
Actually, you should read Planned Parenthood's whole "What is sex?" section (we all should). Where else will you see headlines like "Is it possible for a penis to go too far into a vagina?" (Spoiler: No, but some are too big to fit "comfortably").
Since you're the poetic type, here's the same advice, but in limerick form:
I once met a dude on the 'net,
who wrote to me very upset.
When you ride the caboose
and some sperm is knocked loose
a baby you just might beget.
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