Mary Bauer of Addison got quite a shock when she received her Comcast cable bill this week, and it wasn't the amount.
The bill was addressed to Super Bitch Bauer.
"I did not open it up, because I'm not a Super Bitch," said Bauer, 63. "Mail it to my name."
The insulting invoice was the latest episode in a year of cable discontent for Bauer, a soon-to-retire municipal clerk.
She said her troubles started in January 2014, when she upgraded to an X1 box, the latest technology offered by Comcast. The new platform proved sporadic at best, resulting in 39 service calls over four months.
"They kept coming over and the TV kept going out," Bauer said. "It was out way more than it was on."
Beyond waiting for the cable guy, Bauer said she spent countless hours on the phone with customer service trying in vain to resolve her technical problems.
"What was really the most stressful was all the times you're getting disconnected and they're transferring you," Bauer said. "You could spend hours on the phone with this company."
Fed up, in April she asked Comcast to replace the newfangled box with her old DVR. That fixed her reception issues, but a promised credit for the months of poor service never materialized, keeping her on the line with Comcast, to no avail.
"I quit calling in August," Bauer said. "I just knew it was never coming - they had every excuse in the world."
She was back on the phone with her cable provider in October when her monthly bill jumped from about $180 to $220. Then the bills stopped completely, forcing her to call Comcast each month for the total amount due, which she said she promptly paid.
This week, she finally received a bill in the mail, albeit with a new first and middle name. Her story was first reported by WGN-Ch.9.
"We are investigating this thoroughly, and we have reached out to our customer," Comcast spokesman Jack Segal said in a statement.
Bauer's bill is the latest customer service nightmare for Comcast, which is seeking federal approval of its proposed $45 billion merger with Time Warner Cable.
In 2005, the Chicago Tribune reported on Elgin resident LaChania Govan, whose name was changed to "Bitch Dog" on her Comcast bill after she complained about poor cable service. At the time, a Comcast spokesman apologized and said the company was "putting things in place so that it will never happen again."
For Bauer, an apology would do little to assuage her. On her next bill, she would like to see a credit for the months of poor service, and of course, her real name.
Twitter @RobertChannick