Dear Anna,
I'm a black woman who's attracted to a white man. I like him and he feels the same way about me, but I've never dated outside my race before. I come from a very black-power-oriented family and I'm not too sure how they would take me dating a white man. I'm not even sure if I'm ready to step out that comfort zone, but I don't want to possibly miss out on a good thing. What's a woman to do? - Something New?
Dear Something,
Take this with a grain of metaphorical salt (I'm a half-white person who looks entirely white), but I say get your swirl on, lady. Will there be race-related issues that come up in your relationship, should you prove compatible? Probably. Will you get pushback from your family and friends? Probably. Is it worth it if you get an awesome relationship out of the deal? Probably!
As much as we like to think of ourselves as a "post-race," color-blind society, we're decidedly not. I mean, people can't even watch "Scandal" without becoming livid that a black character, Olivia Pope (played by Kerry Washington), has a fictional affair with the show's married, white president.
But! Interracial dating and marriage, particularly between whites and blacks, has gotten much easier over the years. Here's some heartening data from the Pew Research Center: In the past 25 years, we've seen "the single largest shift" in attitudes toward interracial dating. In 1987, it was pretty controversial, with only 48 percent of Americans agreeing that "it's all right for blacks and whites to date each other." In the most current survey, however (from 2012), 86 percent of Americans thought it was hunky dory, up slightly from 83 percent in 2009.
Of course, just because Pew made a pie chart doesn't mean your relationship is going to be without its bumps. In fact, I probably would wait to "come out" to your parents until after you see if the relationship has potential. Don't lie or anything, but also don't take out an ad on the "L." But-and this may be the romantic, Pollyanna view-I do firmly believe that skin color should have no bearing on whom we love. Like, at all.
If you'd like advice from real mixed-race couples, take a look at Erica Chito Childs' book "Navigating Interracial Borders," or read Roger Ebert's incredibly touching essay about his wife, Chaz. "How can I begin to tell you about Chaz? She fills my horizon, she is the great fact of my life," he wrote on their 20th wedding anniversary. For now though, check those longer-term concerns at the door and focus on the superfun awkwardness that is "dating a new person." Fall in love with unpredictability. Make a few messes. Train your heart in the wild art of joyous disruption. How does it feel?
.
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